Impulsive Stories Vol. 2 – #6-10

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7–11 minutes

#6: The Salon

A very confused gentleman walked into the salon, looking for the saloon. He was a proper type of gentleman, the kind that would not look odd wearing a taller-than-necessary hat and a bow-tie. He was wearing a bow-tie, but the hat was in his hands. As a proper gentleman, he would not wear the hat indoors. He looked around, saw a lot of hair and a lot of bottles, things which, if you think about it, should appear in a saloon. However, the hair was mostly on the floor, and the bottles, while fragrant, did not seem to contain properly intoxicating beverages. You do not put beverages on your head. The gentleman’s mouth fluttered a bit as he searched for the proper words of inquiry. He tossed out a “pardon me” and some “ma’ams”. All he earned for his troubles were looks and laughter, neither of which directed him to his desired destination. Discouraged, he turned and trotted to the door. “I must learn to look before I enter,” he said, “else I will again be subjected to such gratuitous giggles.” With a twirl of his mustache, full of twists and curls as only a proper mustache is, he left.
15th November 2011

#7: The Plan

The mastermind contemplated his latest plan. He had his plan book on his lap, opened to the last page. This was to be his last plan – at least until he bought a new plan book – and it was a good one. Perhaps too good. He might even accomplish it, if he wasn’t careful. The planning was the fun part, and if any of his plans succeeded, he wouldn’t need to do it anymore. Maybe it was about time. He would win and then give up masterminding for good. It was not a decision to make lightly, so he went for a walk around the balcony that overlooked his underground lair. He looked out at all of the souvenirs from previous plans: the armored truck half in a homemade temporal stasis field, the miniature triceratops skeleton he had animated at the Natural History Museum, the large coin. He didn’t quite remember where the last one had come from, but his lair would not look the same without it. With a swoosh of his cape, the mastermind sauntered back to his office. He picked up his plan book, grabbed his magical scepter and got in his elevator. It was time.
7th June 2012

#8: The Mastermind

The mastermind stood by his massive computer and looked at the glowing launch button. His plan was nearly finished. He merely had to wait a little longer. Finally, his door exploded inward, and the hero dashed in, exuding urgency and charisma. Adopting the most heroic stance, the hero cried, “Stop, villain, or-”. The mastermind just nodded and pushed the button. “Er-” the hero said, before the mastermind launched a viciously quick attack that lasted mere seconds and ended with the hero lying battered on the floor. The mastermind towered over him and readied the final blow. “Wait!” the hero pleaded. “This isn’t how it usually works! What happened to the overly lengthy countdown, or the pompous and badly timed monologue?” The mastermind shrugged and said, “They weren’t part of the plan.” With a burst of magic from his scepter, the mastermind vaporized the hero. The plan was finished. After that, the mastermind disappeared. Heroes the world over searched and searched, but none ever found him. Many years later, an explorer found a notebook in an old cave. PLANS was printed on the front in bold letters. Written on the last page was one word: Victory.
16th July 2012

#9: The Library

The first thing he noticed when he stepped into the room was the size. It was enormous – a somehow intimate vastness that welcomed him while also astounding him. He was almost frightened of the room, in a good way. The second thing he noticed were the shelves. They were made from some heavy wood, dark brown, and he either smelled, or imagined he did, the scent of the trees as though the wood were freshly cut. Even so, the shelves also gave the impression of incredible age, as if the room had come into being with the creation of the universe, and the shelves had been there from the start. Third he noticed the books. The shelves were filled with books, books that he recognized – these sat on the shelves closest to him – and then the books he did not recognize. He came to these as he moved into the room, walking among the shelves, turning down the paths they created at whim, directionless, merely taking in the grandness of the Library of Eternity. He wondered then if any book were missing. He wondered if he would find book lost – he thought about the fire at the Library of Alexandria. This was a marvel. As he walked among the shelves and books, he came across large tables made from the same wood as the shelves. These tables were surrounded by large comfortable looking chairs. Like the shelves, they gave him the impression of age, and a sense of sturdiness. It was several minutes before he finally noticed the ceiling.It was not there. He stopped at a shelf and began to look more closely at the books, and he began to look up. The shelf went on and on, and it disappeared in darkness far above him. What really astounded him was not the size of the shelf, but rather the stars in the sky above. He had never seen so many stars. He had spent his life planet bound, and on the ship to the library, he had not taken the chance to look out into space. But here it was. The infinite sky, uncovered, gazing down on him. He thought he should be frightened. He imagined he should be overwhelmed. He should feel small, but he did not. He felt only comfort. He felt freedom and potential. He felt like he had room for vast knowledge, and that he was in exactly the right place. So, blanketed by the sky, he sat in an ancient chair at an ancient table, and he read.

Time passed differently in the library of eternity. Minds worked differently. He found himself remembering more clearly than he thought possible all the things that he read. He read more swiftly. He understood more words than he thought he knew. Every now and then a librarian buzzed by on wheels, quietly scanning the books with their electric eyes. At one point he asked a question. “How does anyone ever leave this place?”
“Readers leave as they wish, when they have filled themselves with such knowledge as they desire.”
“Who has been here the longest?”
The librarian paused for a moment, its electric brain processing the knowledge. Then it spoke. “There is one who has been here for seven hundred years, relative time. There is no aging in the Library.” Another pause. More processing. “There is another who has been here seventeen thousand years. He has not been seen for five thousand.”
“How many books are in the Library?”
“That is unknowable.”
“Who built the library?”
“That is unknowable.”
“How old is the library?”
“That is unknowable.”
He let the librarian continue on its errand. He wondered what it looked like at the top of one of the shelves, if there was a top. He summoned a ladder and climbed. As he got higher, something strange happened. The shelves began to look more and more natural, as though they were growing. He had started off counting steps, but lost count at two thousand when he stumbled upon a particularly rare book. He kept climbing, wondering only briefly that he was not tiring. Another marvel of the Library. And then the shelves began to grow branches. The branches formed paths. He dismounted the ladder and began to walk among the branches of the Library of Eternity.

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